is your mom at the bar?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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