No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I touched a dick in church today
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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