i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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