Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
