I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
