i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
