so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
