i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
