I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
