Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
