i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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