I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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