i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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