I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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