first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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