Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
