Buhtt sex?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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