gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The air taste purple.
Randomize