Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
