absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
