I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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