Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
