I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
