he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Even my vagina gasped.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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