Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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