you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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