shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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