"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
