I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
