I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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