There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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