i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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