Say something about gay babies.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
