i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
