her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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