I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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