Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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