Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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