just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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