is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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