I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
