I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
