its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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