I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
