i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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