If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
