then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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