I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pooping to opera.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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