return my video game
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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