I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
