so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
