she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
