The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
