Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
