Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
