Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize