I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
