JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
