i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
