I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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