Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize