All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
