i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
