What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize