margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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