roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
