My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can text with my tongue
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
