I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
